[K. R. J.] "Bad vibes, I think," Kage says, shoulders lifting; it's an easy shrug, and a small one (delicate). "When one has a frustrating day, one doesn't want to hear that horrible wake up calls make sense." The shrug ends; it was a long one. And, musing - "Maybe people just talk more about the horrible ones. Mine wasn't horrible; it just was. Do you know how your teacher awakened?"
[Ashley McGowen] Ashley is still rubbing at her forehead where Eileen's peck landed: her manner is a touch agitated. Upset, even. But whatever it is, she doesn't comment on it, and Kage probably doesn't want to know. "I guess," she says, and this too is a quiet thing.
She reaches over and takes one of the shots Thomas poured before leaving, draining it before she answers Kage about her teacher. Better to not let it go to waste, really: there are bottles here that Jarod and Thomas both left money for. "No idea," she says. "She wouldn't have talked to me about anything like that. Why? Do you know how Simon Awakened?"
[K. R. J.] Kage raises her hand to - something; the movement is aborted when Ashley reaches instead for a shot. Kage's hand stays in the air for a moment, and she watches Ashley's shot instead, her gaze narrowed, probing, like is this tooth loose. Then she blinks; her eyebrows beetle together, rise. She says, "Because I was curious. That's too bad. That maybe now nobody knows. And - yeah."
[Ashley McGowen] [Whaaaaaaaat were you going to do?]
Dice Rolled:[ 7 d10 ] 5, 5, 6, 6, 7, 7, 9 (Failure at target 10)
[Ashley McGowen] Kage's hand hangs in the air and Ashley looks at it once. Stares, as though she hadn't put down a third of a bottle of whiskey in two hours (plus a few stouts), as though she had the appropriate bit of brain, as though she were good at this in the first place. But the Orphan is a little inscrutable. She often is.
Ashley just asks her "How?" even though she has nothing to offer on Victoria Kurtz. Nothing but a monosyllabic "Mm," when Kage says it's too bad.
[K. R. J.] [Hmmmmm.... Char + Expression? For .. uh, some thing.]
Dice Rolled:[ 6 d10 ] 1, 5, 6, 9, 9, 10 (Success x 3 at target 6)
[K. R. J.] How? Ashley says, and thereby casts a long, long spell of silence. Kage is considering; perhaps Kage is considering whether or not she has the right to tell Ashley; perhaps she cares about that kind of thing. Kage's lashes are low, contemplative (there are two kinds of contemplation [outward (inward)]). "The part I like to remember is the nice part. He stepped outside; and all around him was a voice; he looked up, and he was taken in by - by radiance; and that's when his mind went disconnect, and he forgot a lot of important things -- he says that, too; that he forgot important things; and the world just went loud, and he heard the language of - uh, of music. And the radiance never left; something. He tells it better. Before the stepping outside, though, I guess it came at him sort of slowly; he had - uh - a couple of seizures, and kept hearing things, and - and there were a lot of coincidences. He caught a - a snapped power line, and it didn't burn him."
[K. R. J.] It's worth noting, too; when she says taken in by - by radiance, Kage's hand goes to her heart; her fingers curl over her breastbone, contained. She sounds frustrated, when she says never left; something. When she says a lot of coincidences, she means Coincidences, she means impossible things.
[Ashley McGowen] Ashley listens, and there's one shotglass still full on the table, which she takes and sips from. Doesn't drain immediately; the two bottles will be left here with Janine, taken to the back, probably for the next night she and Thomas are here. She looks sidelong at Kage while the other woman talks about Simon. About hearing the language of music.
"That doesn't sound that nice," she says, and by this she means the forgetting, she means the seizures. "Except for the music." But maybe that would make it worthwhile. Then she says, "What happened to you? Was it just kind of...you woke up, and you just knew?"
[K. R. J.] "Didn't say his was nice," Kage says, with a smile; "Just the part I like. The looking up, and the - " a gesture. "I can't stay it like he does. Like it really happened. You know?" Kage touches her mouth, thoughtfully, follows the curve of her lower lip with her thumb, and then says, "More or less. I just - one day; baboom! Everything. Just - felt different. More concrete. And, you know - Him, suggesting I try this or that, and would I please stop panicking and talking to myself as if He weren't there and I was not crazy blah blah balh."
[K. R. J.]
Dice Rolled:[ 9 d10 ] 3, 5, 6, 6, 7, 8, 8, 9, 9 (Success x 7 at target 6)
to†K. R. J.
[Ashley McGowen] "I know," Ashley says, of how Kage can't say it like he does. Because she's heard Simon, and she's heard Simon speak about things he felt strongly, things he wanted to express. "He speaks beautifully." A last sip and the shot is drained and she sets it down on the table. Flicks it, so that it slides and clusters with the other five, and glances toward Kage again.
At which point she raises her eyebrows. "Yeah. Hearing some guy...that would've been weird." She saw a Serpent and hung from a tree and had a dream and she wondered if she was going crazy. "That memory you showed me. Was it early? Like when he started telling you to try things?"
[K. R. J.] "When did you hear him speak?" Kage asks, surprised enough that she doesn't think to draw her own conclusions. She does, however, move the bottles (scotch, whiskey) away from Ashley, behind the shotglasses. She rearranges them into a pattern, which she judges based on how the light touches the rims; they don't satisfy her, so she readjusts the pattern a couple of times. Something sure, to do with her hands. Also, this - a laughing sideglance. "And - no. Definitely not. It wasn't that nice, really. I mean ... waking up was fine, but being awake ... was scary."
[Ashley McGowen] She hasn't told Kage much about the time she spent in Boston, most recent: spoke a little about her lessons with Hannibal, about the frustrations with Robert Ariel. Carefully avoided the topic of Simon, because Kage always avoids the topic of Simon and there are times when she does try not to prod. When she makes some attempt at sensitivity. "We talked when I was in Boston last month," she says.
It seems like a long time ago, now. Her eyes track the bottles as they move away, as they slide along the table, but not overlong. She meets Kage's eyes with that sideglance. "It would've been," she says, and she means for herself, "if my dad didn't explain right away. Well...like two days after. Three? I don't know. Lost count."
[K. R. J.] "Oh," is Kage's reaction to Boston last month. Just last month? Almost two months ago, now. And then, this -- a quiet inhale; then, smirking: "I didn't run into another -- someone else all wakeful -- for, Jesus. A couple of months. And then it was another couple of months after that until one of them was all, Whoa, wait, you don't know what you're doing?" A pause, and, "There was this one time. Early. Like, really early. I - heh. Aquired some medication, and I kept taking pills, one after another, hoping that He'd just shut up, stop touching me, go away, and he told me I was being stupid, that I didn't wake up for that, that He - He chose people who weren't so pathetic, and that the pills wouldn't keep me from seeing him anyway, they'd just kill me and break my family's hearts, and then the pills got really dark, and I could see which one would be the one to - " Kage swipes a finger across her throat. "I would've liked a nice, trustworthy family member to say, Hey, it's cool. This is what's happening."
[Ashley McGowen] Ashley can't recall Kage being quite this open before: maybe it's because she's so drunk, might not fully remember later. Then again, they're friends, and they've talked, and they've talked about Kage's dad and Ashley has seen Him and they've talked in a way about why she doesn't Believe. Kage tells her about acquiring pills, and which pill would've been the One, expresses that wish. And the Hermetic looks at her with a kind of sad, troubled understanding for a few seconds before she looks away, before she rests her elbows on the table and places one hand over her fist and rests her chin on top of her fists.
People get this once in a while, that understanding. It's rare (it's rare for a reason.) But she doesn't know what to say, beyond a heartfelt "Sorry." So in the end she reaches for one of the shotglasses but it's just to spin it, to look down into it while she slides it between her thumbs. "My mentor kind of did that," she says. "Well, said that stuff. When I got like that."
[K. R. J.] Kage's inhibitions are lowered; it's true. But Kage isn't that drunk. The alcohol didn't work on her the way it worked on the others; she'll remember, and likely be haunted by, some aspects of this conversation -- at least, she will be if she lets herself be haunted. It's likely; Kage is confident enough about (almost) everything she deals with, but a lot of that confidence is autopilot. She shrugs. "Don't be; I mean, there was cool stuff, too. There is cool stuff, still. For instance - I was recently dropped down an elevator shaft," and she grins, "but no problem, because I just opened a door to somewhere that wasn't a horrible, mangled death at the bottom of the elevator shaft. I'm glad I'm awake, and I kind of - " Abrupt halt. Kage blushes.
And says, "What'd you do when your mentor was like that? She sounds like a horrible person. Why'd you stick with her?"
[Ashley McGowen] Kage assures her there's cool stuff, and Ashley smirks a little at that. Because there are cool things about being Awake; she can do a lot of cool things herself. (She doesn't think they were worth the price. Perhaps Kage does, for herself. Perhaps she doesn't. Best not to think on it.) "You kind of what?" Ashley asks, curiosity roused by the abrupt halt, by the flush she can see creeping over the Orphan's cheekbones like it bled out of her hair.
She spins the glass between her thumbs a few more times, shrugs once. "I didn't really think anyone else would be better," she says. "I mean, I saw Hannibal with Bran and Justine and it took a long time to realize that he wasn't...he didn't really do shit to them like..." Beat. Hannibal wasn't cruel; she has difficulty articulating this now. She gropes for words, gives up. "Besides. She was right. I just didn't like it."
[K. R. J.] " - I kind of what?" Kage asks, as though perplexed. "What does that mean?" Right; maybe that misdirection will work. Kage crinkles her nose up at mention of Hannibal, of Hannibal as a teacher. She listens, and then she says, "Eh. There's a point at which perfection becomes a flaw. The flaw. Like, it's the symptom of - itself being broken. Is too too. From what I remember hearing, after I first met you. I don't know. I'm being inarticulate. There's right and there's left."
[Ashley McGowen] Misdirection seems to work, for a few seconds. Ashley looks at Kage, stares at that perplexed expression, and her brows furrow. And she's silent for a few moments while she tries to work around what just happened. "You...you were gonna say something," she says, turning an index finger in a slow circle and watching it, then turning it counterclockwise as though mimicking the twists of the thread. "Like about...about you being glad you Awakened, and then you stopped."
Pause. "I don't...I mean, it's something you seek," she says. Because this is Hermetic belief. "But that wasn't what I meant, perfection. More like she'd say shit like...the world won't spare you conflict, so I won't either. Stuff like that. And I fucking hated her, but if what she was trying to do was prepare me, I mean..." Frown, then. Her feelings are complex: people's often are, about parental figures.
[K. R. J.] "It's not - " a pause; she flushes, again. Ardent, and people - look. Blushing, flushing, it isn't this delicate maidenly Victorian thing, guaranteed, ladies, to enhance your appeal. It's a wash of embarrasment or frustration; the mark of some sort've passion. Kage's ears lower; so do her shoulders. " - important. I don't want to jinx anybody."
And so - perfection. Something you seek. "Yeah, but - " But that isn't what Ashley meant. Kage listens, eyebrows drawn together, and then she says, "I know. I mean, what you meant - like, the pathetic thing; I didn't choose you because. But that's just - that's turning perfection into a flaw. I mean, for some people. Not everybody responds well to constant - to that kind of massive - " Kage shapes a shape no doubt meant to be massive. " - I don't know. It's just, you don't get a practice life. You just have your life. And everything that happens in it is all ... Not practice."
[Ashley McGowen] Kage is flushing again, and if possible it only piques the Hermetic's curiosity further, to know what makes Kage blush like that, why does it happen. People are a strange wonder, sometimes, in part because she can't fully wrap her head (her jaws) around them. "You wouldn't jinx anybody," Ashley says, "just by saying."
The shotglass gets another spin, so she loses the trail for a few moments, for maybe longer, because when Ashley said that she fucking hated Victoria Kurtz it wasn't something she said lightly. Because it takes a lot to earn Ashley's hatred. "Well, I guess that was kind of the point," is what she says. "That kind of...you know, if it breaks you you aren't worth her time sort of thing. I guess the guy she had before me, a couple years before, actually did kill himself, but I didn't hear about that until she died."
[K. R. J.] "That's how jinxes work on the schoolyard," Kage says, "And I don't think you're in a position to by me a coke." At this point, Kage remembers the potato skins, and chomps on one, trailing it through the melting sourcream. Listens, and when Ashley is done, says, "The point for her. Not the point for you. That's sad." She doesn't sound surprised about the student-before who killed himself; maybe that's something Hannibal mentioned to her, back before. Kage tends to remember things mentioned in the Awakened world, because those things tend to come up again, or to be useful, important.
[Ashley McGowen] Ashley has lost thought of jinxes, can't really remember what she was asking Kage about anymore. Wants to argue just to argue, except that she doesn't think she can properly argue Kage down right now; she'll just embarrass herself. She also wants to argue about whether it's sad, point out that she's stronger for it, that she's okay, that she's better off.
And she might, under ordinary circumstances. But right now she's putting her head down on the table, letting her forehead come to rest against the coolness of the wood tabletop. "I kind of feel sick," she says.
[K. R. J.] "Maybe because you've been drinking without eating, like an irresponsible teenager, all running across the meadow to sweeping music, while his first beer dances on the other end, draped in seven veils." My, that may have been a note of criticism. Beat. "Here, drink some of this - " This, being water.
[K. R. J.] ooc: ahem. 'draped in seven veils, doing the come to me dance.'
[Ashley McGowen] "It was a very alluring dance," Ashley says. But she does reach to sip at the water.
"I was gonna eat," she says, "but there was...I thought it would make me throw up. After the whiskey." It likely would have. Of course, she'll probably end up throwing up anyway when she goes home. "And Janine would have my guts for garters."
[K. R. J.] "Mm." The sound is noncomittal; it isn't even neutral. Just - noncommittal. Kage runs her fingers through her hair, and shakes her head, just as if she's suddenly walked through a patch of cold air; something bracing. Then she says - " - well, then Janine could name another pub in poor taste," and the righthand corner of her mouth, see? Snicks up, easy as moonlight. "I'll give you a ride home, if you promise not to throw up in my truck. The truck's been having a bad week." A beat. "I suppose you could stay in the back."
[Ashley McGowen] There is a muffled giggle against the table when Kage mentions naming a pub in poor taste, something stifled that cuts off. She misses how the corner of Kage's mouth lofts, cool, but perhaps she can hear it. "I can't make any promises," she says. "But you can put me in the back. 'S not like it's a long drive."
At which point she picks up her notebook and manages to wiggle her way out of the booth after Kage. She doesn't wobble much when she stands up, or when she's walking, manages to seem much more sober than she is.
Regardless of where Ashley ends up, the truck manages to stay unmarred, which, after its week, is likely a blessing.
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